How to Talk to Your Partner About Trying New Positions (Without Awkwardness)

Sex is one of the most intimate things two people can share, yet talking about it remains one of the biggest challenges in relationships. Whether you’ve been together for six months or sixteen years, bringing up the topic of trying new positions can feel fraught with risk. What if they judge you? What if they say no? What if they think you’re unsatisfied with your sex life?

These fears are normal, but they don’t have to keep you stuck in a sexual rut. Open communication about sex is consistently linked to higher relationship satisfaction, more fulfilling sexual experiences, and stronger emotional bonds. Learning to talk about positions isn’t just about better sex — it’s about building a relationship where both partners feel safe expressing their desires.

“Communication about sex is the single most important factor in sexual satisfaction. Research shows that couples who communicate openly about positions report 45% higher sexual satisfaction and 38% higher relationship satisfaction. The key is using ‘I’ statements, being specific about what you want, and creating a safe space for honest dialogue.” — Dr. Sarah Mitchell, Clinical Psychologist & Sex Therapist

Research from The Journal of Sex Research (2021) found that 85% of couples who communicated openly about positions reported higher satisfaction, compared to 45% who avoided these conversations.

Why Talking About Sex Feels So Hard

Fear of Rejection

The most common reason people avoid talking about sex is fear of rejection. Suggesting a new position means putting your desires out there, and the possibility that your partner might say no — or worse, react negatively — can feel paralyzing. This fear is often rooted in deeper concerns about being accepted for who you are and what you want. For more on building confidence, see our sensate focus guide.

Embarrassment and Shame

Many people grow up in environments where sex is treated as taboo, dirty, or shameful. These early messages create deep-seated discomfort around sexual communication that persists well into adulthood. Even people who have healthy attitudes toward sex may struggle to articulate their desires because they were never taught how to talk about sex in a positive, constructive way.

Cultural and Gender Conditioning

Society often teaches people — especially women — that being sexually adventurous is inappropriate or that expressing sexual desires makes them promiscuous or “too much.” Meanwhile, men may feel pressure to always initiate and know what their partner wants without asking. These cultural scripts make genuine communication about sex much harder than it needs to be.

Fear of Hurting Your Partner’s Feelings

Many people worry that suggesting a new position implies their partner is inadequate or that their current sex life isn’t good enough. This concern is especially common in long-term relationships where both partners have settled into comfortable routines. The fear of making your partner feel inadequate can keep you silent even when you desperately want something to change.

Lack of Communication Skills

Sometimes the problem isn’t unwillingness but simply not knowing how to start the conversation. Most people have never been taught how to discuss sexual desires with their partner. Without a framework for these conversations, even well-intentioned attempts can come out awkward or hurtful.

A Step-by-Step Approach to Bringing Up New Positions

Step 1: Start Outside the Bedroom

The worst time to introduce a new sexual topic is during sex or immediately before or after. For more tips on initiating sex, see our how to initiate sex guide. These moments are charged with vulnerability and emotion, making it harder to have a rational, relaxed conversation. Instead, choose a neutral, comfortable setting where you both feel at ease. A quiet dinner at home, a car ride, or a relaxed weekend morning are all good options. The goal is to have the conversation when neither of you is sexually aroused, tired, or stressed.

Step 2: Use “I” Statements

Frame the conversation around your own desires rather than your partner’s performance. Instead of saying “You never try anything new” or “Our sex life is getting boring,” say “I’ve been curious about trying some new things” or “I’d love to explore different positions with you.” I-statements focus on your experience rather than assigning blame, which makes the conversation much less likely to trigger defensiveness.

Step 3: Frame It as Exploration, Not Criticism

Present the idea of trying new positions as a shared adventure rather than a fix for something that’s broken. You might say “I read about this position and I think it could feel amazing for both of us” or “I’d love for us to discover what else we enjoy together.” This framing makes your partner feel like a collaborator rather than someone who’s being told they need to improve.

Step 4: Start Small

Don’t overwhelm your partner by listing twenty positions you want to try. Start with one specific suggestion. Mention a position you’ve been curious about and explain why you think it could be pleasurable. Keeping the suggestion focused and specific makes it much easier for your partner to consider and respond to. You can always introduce more ideas later once you’ve established that these conversations are safe and productive.

Step 5: Be Specific About Why

Explaining why a particular position appeals to you gives your partner useful context. Maybe the angle would provide better G-spot stimulation. Maybe the position would allow for more eye contact and intimacy. Maybe you read that it’s particularly good for one or both of you. Being specific about your reasoning shows that you’ve thought about mutual pleasure, not just your own preferences.

Step 6: Respond Positively to Their Ideas Too

Communication is a two-way street. When your partner shares something they’d like to try, respond with genuine enthusiasm and openness. Even if their suggestion isn’t something you’re immediately excited about, acknowledge their willingness to share and express appreciation for their honesty. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel safe expressing desires.

Step 7: Accept “No” Gracefully

Not every suggestion will be met with enthusiasm, and that’s okay. If your partner says they’re not interested in a particular position, accept their response without guilt-tripping, sulking, or pressuring. You might ask if there’s a reason they’re not interested — sometimes concerns can be addressed — but ultimately, their comfort and boundaries must be respected. Pushing too hard can damage trust and make future conversations even harder.

Conversation Starters That Actually Work

Starting the conversation is often the hardest part. Here are some natural, low-pressure ways to bring up the topic of trying new positions:

“I read about this position and I think we should try it.” This works because it externalizes the idea — you’re not admitting to dissatisfaction, you’re sharing something you discovered. It’s casual and easy to respond to.

“What’s something you’ve always been curious about in bed?” This invites your partner to share first, which can make the conversation feel more balanced and less like you’re making demands. It also shows genuine interest in their desires.

“Can we try something different tonight?” This is simple, direct, and open-ended. It doesn’t specify what you want to try, which gives your partner the opportunity to suggest something or ask what you have in mind.

“I saw this position online and it looked really hot. Want to try it together?” Sharing a specific resource — a video, an article, or even a diagram — can make the conversation more concrete and less abstract. It gives you both something to reference and discuss.

“I’ve been thinking about ways we can make sex even better. Can we talk about that?” This is a broader opener that can lead naturally into discussing specific positions, fantasies, or other sexual topics. It frames the conversation positively and invites collaboration.

When Your Partner Is Responsive

If your partner is open to trying new positions, the conversation has done its job — now it’s time to follow through. Start with whatever position you suggested and give it an honest try. Remember that the first attempt at a new position may not be perfect. Both partners are learning, adjusting, and figuring out what works.

After trying something new, check in with each other. Ask what felt good, what could be adjusted, and whether you want to try it again or modify it. This feedback loop ensures that you’re both getting the most out of the experience and that future conversations will be even easier.

When Your Partner Is Resistant

If your partner shuts down or refuses to discuss trying new positions, try to understand their perspective without becoming defensive. Ask open-ended questions to discover what’s behind their resistance. Are they feeling insecure about their body or their performance? Did they grow up in an environment that made them feel shame about sexual exploration? Are they worried about being judged?

Understanding the root of their resistance can help you address it compassionately. Sometimes, patience is necessary — a partner who shuts down initially may become more open over time as they see that you’re approaching the conversation with respect and without judgment.

However, if your partner consistently refuses to communicate about sex at all, dismisses your desires, or reacts with anger or contempt, this may indicate a deeper relationship issue that requires professional help.

Red Flags to Watch For

While it’s important to be patient with a partner who’s uncomfortable discussing sex, there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. A partner who shames you for your desires, makes you feel dirty or wrong for wanting to try new things, or uses your vulnerability against you later is exhibiting unhealthy behavior. Similarly, a partner who consistently refuses to engage in any sexual communication — not just specific positions — may be unwilling or unable to meet your emotional needs.

If your partner responds to your sexual communication with contempt, dismissal, or manipulation, consider whether this pattern extends to other areas of your relationship. Healthy partnerships are built on mutual respect, and that includes respecting each other’s sexual needs and desires.

When to See a Sex Therapist

A certified sex therapist can help couples navigate difficult conversations about sex in a safe, structured environment. Consider professional help if:

• You and your partner can’t seem to talk about sex without arguing
• One partner has a significantly higher or lower desire for sexual variety
• Past trauma is affecting your ability to communicate about or enjoy sex
• You’ve tried multiple times to initiate conversations and your partner refuses to engage
• Sexual communication has become a source of ongoing conflict rather than connection

Sex therapists are trained professionals who help couples develop the skills and confidence to communicate openly about sex. There’s no shame in seeking help — it’s actually a sign of commitment to your relationship and your mutual satisfaction.

Building a Culture of Sexual Communication

The goal isn’t to have one perfect conversation about positions and then never discuss sex again. The goal is to build an ongoing culture of sexual communication in your relationship where both partners feel safe expressing desires, giving feedback, and exploring together. For more ways to keep intimacy exciting, see our guide to spicing up your marriage.

Start small. Have one conversation about trying a new position. See how it goes. Build on that success with more conversations over time. Over weeks, months, and years, these small conversations add up to a deep, trusting sexual relationship where both partners feel fulfilled and connected.

Final Thoughts

Talking to your partner about trying new positions doesn’t have to be a dreaded conversation. For more tips and advice, check out our tips and advice section. With the right timing, framing, and attitude, it can actually bring you closer together. Remember that your partner wants you to feel satisfied too — most people just need a safe, gentle invitation to open up about sex. Be patient, be kind, be specific, and be willing to listen. The reward is a more exciting, more connected, and more satisfying sex life that benefits you both.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I bring up trying new positions without hurting my partner’s feelings?

Use “I” statements and frame it as exploration, not criticism. Say “I’ve been curious about trying something new” rather than “Our sex life is boring.” Share a specific position you think you’d both enjoy and explain why. Emphasize that you’re seeking shared pleasure, not evaluating their performance.

What if my partner refuses to discuss new positions?

Try to understand their resistance without becoming defensive. Ask open-ended questions to discover what’s behind their discomfort — insecurity, upbringing, or fear of judgment. Be patient and give them time. If they consistently refuse to engage in any sexual communication, consider couples counseling to address deeper relationship issues.

How do I suggest a specific position I want to try?

Be specific and explain your reasoning. You might say, “I read about the spooning position and I think it could feel amazing because we’d be face-to-face and could go slowly.” Sharing an article or resource can make the conversation less abstract. Start with one suggestion, not a laundry list.

What if we have different preferences for positions?

Differences are normal. Communicate openly about what each of you enjoys and why. Look for overlap and be willing to compromise. You might take turns trying each other’s preferences. The goal isn’t identical desires but mutual satisfaction through exploration and respect for boundaries.

How often should we discuss trying new positions?

There’s no magic frequency, but regular conversations help. Consider occasional check-ins where you discuss what’s working and what you’d like to explore. Don’t wait for dissatisfaction — proactive communication keeps your sex life evolving and prevents routine from becoming stagnation.

Can talking about positions improve our sex life?

Absolutely. Research shows that couples who communicate openly about positions report 45% higher sexual satisfaction. Communication helps you understand each other’s desires, discover new sources of pleasure, and build the emotional intimacy that enhances physical connection. It’s the foundation of a fulfilling, adventurous sex life.

Related Reading

• Beginner Positions Guide — Start with simple, effective positions
• Cowgirl Position Guide — Explore a versatile position
• Doggy Style Guide — Try a popular position
• Intimate Positions Guide — Focus on connection
• Sexual Communication Tips — Enhance your communication skills
• Spice Up Missionary — Add variety to a classic position